The Goblin’s questiony quietly-assured voice appears through softened soundwaves, a meditative surround-soundtrack from swirly skies: ‘Which is the mirror and which is the self? Merge, and separate, separate and merge into the mirror-self… Now, which is the TRUE mirror-self? Count the mirror selves, let them not be shy… are they all true? Do not be afraid of the haze, your essence is you…’ Quiet for a moment, 1…….2…….3…….2…….slow motion-counting…….one and a half…….half and a one…….one and a half……. Maible’s stirring a giant bath-cauldron of weetabix-soup; she says I have to drink it all and then be sick but the Goblin knows that it’s best not to give her too much attention in this moment of time so not to amuse her manipulative instructions – we must focus on the swirly skies, without making it too obvious we’re deliberately not giving her the attention or she might feel hurt and get angry-forceful and loud – but Maible is bored of being ignored and tries her best to show her presence, even when not fully fuelled to be of any particular dominance in the mindcave… ‘Mirrorworlds? Mirror Selves?….Hmmm… a Mirror Land of Mirror Friends?!’ She slyfuly slithers across from her Weetabix-bathcauldron, carefully and curious…
I often discover things at the most perfectly well-timed moments; this is probably the reason for my strong emotional attachment to the things that I enjoy – because of how they interplay with the context of what my brainworlds are doing in that moment of time of watching the film, visiting the exhibition, or hearing a radio excerpt – but each time it happens, it makes me realise two things about mirroring: it’s so important/valuable to be able to see ourselves outside of ourselves, through other people places or things – to be able to have those feelings come from something outside of our body, even if the feelings are our inside-feelings projected. Due to my inner processing I can sometimes find it hard to decipher whether a feeling is my feeling or someone else’s feeling – but there is a very specific other-feeling when my feeling seems so accurately presented by someone or something or somewhere else.
The mirror-world reflects and resonates; sparkles shimmer, dust-to-glitter, Maible blows upon the mirror…a small moment of still, then all of a sudden – ‘HALF AND A ONE, HALF AND A ONE, HALF AND A HALF AND A ONE BUTTERFLY SPIDER KANGAROO!’, she merrily squeals, scrawling great big scribbly lipstick face upon face on the silver-glass, then another great big scrawly lipstick face upon the scribbled-over scribbly face, repeating with different shades and smudges, different shapes of eyes and lips and hair yet all seemingly the same – why do they all end up seemingly the same, why the same, why different but the same, the same but different but the same, the different but the different but the same, the different-same, the same, the different but the same – ‘You’re stuck in a loop again, Maible’, whispers a small Goblin voice – and a strawberry-circle is released from a tired Maible’s hand. Had she not been so tired, she might have got tied up in strawberry-lace-spaghetti before the circle was released and may have been quite complex to untie. Soundscape-fizz from the swirly-skystation tunes back in, tiny grey fizz-dots blurring back into vision. Half and a one…….two……three…..one and a half……two….one…..half and a – ‘Which is the mirror? One true mirror? Which is the painting, painting on the mirror? Many selves of many selves….or many mirrors, mirrors of selves? One true mirror and one true self, or one of many, all so true?’
I don’t want to hide my selves or their inners any more than necessary because I believe that repressing things often results in more irrationalities; the more I hide them from others, the more I repress them from mySelf and the more I repress them from mySelf the more the difficult-things grow even MORE difficult things (which are even more-more Difficult.
‘DifficultCircus, DifficultCircus, round-a-go-round the round-a-go-round the difficult difficult DifficultCircus-‘ ‘-IT’S NOT FUN AND YOU KNOW IT!’, screams Maible. ‘I know, I know, I was just singing’ ‘Me Too’ ‘Yeah, we were just, just SINGING’ ‘OUR SING-CEREST APOLOGIES, VERY SING-CERE!’ Maible grumbles at the SugarClowns, yet only half-trying not to be amused for although she is easily irritated by them, they are kind-of her friends.
I sometimes fear that talking about my inner-brain things will further encourage them, solidify them and make them more real – and it’s often easier to keep quiet because of being naturally introverted, because of the brainstuff often being confusing to translate and because of exposure anxiety feelings, seasoned with additional NO-ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU and NO-ONE WILL EMPLOY YOU – but, although it usually seems the easier option, turning inwards and never being able to talk about them will be much worse, encouraging and solidifying them inside me and making them not only more real but more controlling of my perceptions of reality – and then I might believe less/trust less in mySelf, even the rational logical parts which I’m very glad of being able to access – I must not lose the ability to access these parts, and at the moment I feel that practicing this unjumbling supports this. I truly believe that unjumbling and analysing and documenting and shifting the states of these brainthings is the best thing to do to untangle the Self, selves, the Mirror-Self and all it’s mirror-selves, scribble-selves and everything that follows… the StrawberrySpaghetti-path holds sparkle-answers… I think that it is important that I listen to what each self has to say before I dismissingly throw them all under the brain-blanket into the dark-deep.
Softened soundfizz sparkles through quietened goblin-skies… ‘Mirrorworlds, MirrorSelves, a MirrorLand of MirrorFriends; do not fear the fizzy haze – your essence is your truth.’